I often deal with people on this issue. Sometimes our feelings get in the way of our faith. But this does not mean that we are lost. Even saved people struggle with doubts and some struggle more than others.
1 John 5:13
states, “These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.”
John is convinced that the people he is writing to have believed. However, he is still writing so that they may know that they have eternal life. They must have had trouble with doubts.
Consider this. The only way a person can absolutely know that they are saved is to absolutely know that their salvation does not at all depend on them. It is not what we do but what Christ has done. Technically speaking, it is not the prayer or any external action of ours that saves us. It is the completed work of Christ on the cross and our faith in God on the basis of that work.
And even our faith does not have to be perfect. We believe to the best of our ability and our faith is completed by the faith of Jesus Christ (Galatians 2:16).
As to feelings, I know that these can be terrifying. However, you must understand that feelings do not save us and feelings cannot make us lost. Any honest saved person will tell you that there are days that he or she does not feel saved. They only accept that they are because of the promises of God in His word.
May the Lord bless you as you seek the assurance that He wants you to have. Cast yourself entirely at His mercy and consider how such a wonderful God would certainly accept you in your distress. I have, at times of doubt, told the Lord that if He sends me to hell (though righteously I belong there), He will have to send me believing in Him to the best of my ability and totally relying on His grace and mercy. God has used these times of frankness with Him to renew and strengthen my faith in Him. I pray He will do the same with you.
David Reagan